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There was a tiny mouse
who lived in a tiny house
full of drafts and doubts, and incredible things
like a jack-in-the-box who popped
every Sunday at five o'clock
and a clown who wore a frown that was deafening
He ate off a silver spoon
in a golden room
but platinum plates and diamond goblets weren't enough
"I am bored," said he
"I think I will go to sea
"where I'll be drinking grog and sniffing occasional snuff"
So he stowed away
that very day
but the motion of the ocean made him sick
He went looking for a loo,
but the best that he could do
was the bathroom of the captain of the ship
Oh, the bathroom of the captain of the ship
There was a small still life
of the captains wife
and what he saw there nearly brought the mouse to tears
A calico coat and head
and the inscription read
"To the captain of my heart, from Kitty Dear"
The mouse began to cry
"Oh what a fool am I
"to come so far and then be served up on a plate
"What an awful meal I'll be!
"Most of all, to me!!
"So it's overboard I'll go and make my escape"
He caught a flounder for a sail
Made rudder of his tail
and he swam as hard as he could swim for land
where he dried his whiskers off
and coughed and coughed and coughed
and spat out seven oysters and a clam
Oh, he spat out seven oysters and a clam
He married a mouseketeer
Had children who loved to hear
about the adventures of the tiny stowaway
but it made their noses itch
and their whiskers twitch
to think how close he'd come to being the soup of the day
The moral of the tale
is think before you sail
and always keep your paws and whiskers neat
and if you're dining on a ship
just be sure the room's well lit
so you know what's in the bowl before you eat
Always know what's in the bowl before you eat!
Written by Janis Ian
©2012 Rude Girl Pub. All rights reserved; international copyright secured